Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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