i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
