One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
