After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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