she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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