cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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