Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
