You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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