Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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