why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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