I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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