oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
