ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
