Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
