Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
