Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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