Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
