I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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