The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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