For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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