what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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