I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
