i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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