who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize