So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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