I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
