i just google imaged poop.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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