hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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