I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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