WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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