My balls are so social today.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
