he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
