Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
