you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
