why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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