everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
