I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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