More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
