someone threw a dead crab at me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
