remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
