Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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