I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she smelled like a LAN party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
