Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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