Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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