I wish I could punch you in the face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
