i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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