Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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