I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
