Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
