You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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