He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
