Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
