"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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