his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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