There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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