they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
