i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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