Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she peed on how many people?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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