Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
