took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
