i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
