My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
