i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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