There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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