Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
