my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
